How long is long enough to grieve the passing away of someone you loved? How soon is too soon to get back to Facebook? How long is too long before you finally reply to your WhatsApp messages? Is sending smileys an acceptable thing to do, say, a week later? Can laughing too loud at a joke your cousin cracked be disrespectful because in that moment you forgot your loss?
What about thinking of the work you have, or the people you still love and who are alive; or your significant other for that matter. Is wanting to hug them a bad kind of wanting, now that you're maybe supposed to feel a hole in your chest 24x7?
If you've lost a loved one, you probably have come across at least some of these questions yourself, late at night, or in a stray moment of introspection.
I know I have. And it hasn't even been a week. But it's been one of the longest weeks of my life and if there's something I've learnt in this time, it is the intimate nature of grieving.
When two people are most likely to not even like the same flavour of ice cream, to expect them to grieve for the passing away of a loved one in the same manner is an expectation the society should never have because it won't ever be met. It cannot be met. In fact, different people will grieve for the same person's death in different ways and given human nature and its extremities, someone might just be happy and not grieve at all.
Not everyone goes into shock. Everyone doesn't cry. Some people lock the information up in a corner and live in denial. Some accept it and move on within days. And other people do other things, none of which are wrong.
There is no right way of grieving. There is just you and your feelings and you figure it out for yourself one day at a time. And everyone around you should help by just being there if you need them. Support is always better than judgement so if someone's going to offer something, let it be the former. Or don't offer anything at all. That works. Just be normal.
Time does and eventually will heal all wounds.
Death affects not the departed, but only the living. If you've recently lost someone, may the force be with you and may you find your way through it in your own time and in your own way.
And may we all find peace.
When two people are most likely to not even like the same flavour of ice cream, to expect them to grieve for the passing away of a loved one in the same manner is an expectation the society should never have because it won't ever be met. It cannot be met. In fact, different people will grieve for the same person's death in different ways and given human nature and its extremities, someone might just be happy and not grieve at all.
Not everyone goes into shock. Everyone doesn't cry. Some people lock the information up in a corner and live in denial. Some accept it and move on within days. And other people do other things, none of which are wrong.
There is no right way of grieving. There is just you and your feelings and you figure it out for yourself one day at a time. And everyone around you should help by just being there if you need them. Support is always better than judgement so if someone's going to offer something, let it be the former. Or don't offer anything at all. That works. Just be normal.
Time does and eventually will heal all wounds.
Death affects not the departed, but only the living. If you've recently lost someone, may the force be with you and may you find your way through it in your own time and in your own way.
And may we all find peace.
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